The Artist
by euphorbium
Summary: AU; Gippal visits Tidus' home, uncovering more of his secret past through the stories of his adoptive cousin. yuna/tidus, gippal/rikku
1. One

I was inspired to write this story after reading one that I love to bits. It's a WIP and is subject to change, although currently I don't think I _will_ change it. I don't want to give too much away, so just bear with me for this first chapter and tell me what you think! Comments are appreciated very much :)

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><p><em>Chapter One<em>

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xx

Forelone Manor had to be the most pitiful thing on this godforsaken land that I had ever seen. Of course, it was beautiful, like many of the other manors that were built in Bevelle. The mansion was nothing short of perfection; a three story beauty with dark brick coating the outside like wrapping on a chocolate bar. The fountain in the front, the hedges and the garden work, even the front steps, were filled with such detail that it was impossible to imagine that such a lowly human being would live inside of it.

I've been to Forelone Manor many times. I've walked into the warm, cream coloured rooms. I've sat on the grand staircase that was decorated with flecks of gold. I've sketched in the backyard amongst the orchids and bushes, birds flying in the air as the sun shown down on me.

And you must wonder; if this place is truly as beautiful as it sounds, why do I hate it?

Because it is an empty, lonely place; as beautiful as it is, the moment you step inside everything within you curls up and begs to leave. The amount of sadness and despair that lingers is enough to kill you – or worse – drive you insane. I don't know how long Forelone Manor has been this way, but it drives me crazy just thinking about it. I wouldn't visit this place so often if I didn't have to.

Which brings me to your next question; what kept making me come back?

I'd like to say that I am only here because of my work, but that would be a lie. When I first stepped into Forelone Manor, I knew something was off. I felt everything that I have just described to you, and yet, I didn't want to leave. Why? Because it's owner – so solitary and cold – intrigues me. I bring myself to ask these questions almost every time I think about it; what could make a man shut off his emotions almost entirely? What could turn him so cold? How is it that someone could live in the shadows for their whole life? How could someone cut themselves off from human nature completely?

I could never answer these questions. I lacked any background knowledge to even make judgements on what situation could have arisen. Walking up the front path, my eyes glided across the bushes, trimmed diligently by Wakka, the only caretaker I've ever seen working at the Manor. In fact I could see the crazy preacher's bright red hair, pushed back with a blue bandana as he perched alongside a rose bush. He was trimming loose twigs with a pair of large shears and didn't look up to greet me. I walked past him and to the steps, grateful that I was doing without a moral lesson of Yevon for today.

"You're late, Gippal."

My eyes darted from the steps below my feet to the voice that spoke to my left. I almost scoffed at the sight – a man so against sunlight that even in broad daylight he could avoid it – but stopped myself. Tidus was the very man that employed me. The owner of Forelone Manor.

"The traffic… was bad." I said lamely, scratching the back of my neck. It was a habit I had inherited from when I was younger – a sign of my nerves.

Tidus shifted his gaze from his front lawn to me, before stepping out of the shadows of the front porch. "Well next time leave an hour earlier." He sniffed, moving past me and into the estate. "I don't pay you for nothing."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance but followed him nonetheless. Guilt slowly spread through me, and I regretted rolling my eyes at him. Whenever I was around Tidus, I had to bite my tongue. He was my boss and I couldn't afford to lose this job. Not only that, but I'd been working for him for so long that if I was by some chance fired, I wouldn't know what to fall back on. In a sense, I depended on him. I like to think that he, for some reason or other, depends on me too. "You never told me why you pay so well." I asked, trying to lighten the mood. I should have known that this was hopeless after so many failed attempts, but tried anyways.

I'd been surprised when I had received that call from Tidus the day he had asked if I would like to sketch a few things for him. I'd been selling portraits on the street for less than fifty gil, less than peasant's money.

Of course, I'd heard about the mansion and had always dreamed of painting it.

I gladly obliged.

Well, a few things turned into a lot of things. I found myself at Forelone Manor almost three times a week, instead of what I thought would be the occasional five times a year.

"And you never told me why you like to yap so much." Tidus shot back, leading the way through his home and into the backyard. I'd learned to tolerate his depressive mood after only working for him for a few months. He wasn't usually too happy or talkative, rarely ever smiled and more often frowned than anything else. Even his eyes seemed to glaze over, as if he was off in some other world. It was not often that I caught him, but he'd jerk back into reality, dazed and confused every once in a while.

"It's in my blood." I replied, shrugging my shoulders. The aroma of blooming flowers hit my nose, a scent too strong to ignore. His backyard was like the lounging area for Gods – peaceful and serene – although it lacked any sincerity. "What shall it be today?" I asked. Tidus stepped down off his stone patio and gazed down the never ending acre. I knew better than to urge a reply from him and simply waited, pulling a sketching pencil out of my pocket and sitting on one of the patio chairs.

"Just the roses." He finally answered with his hands in his pockets. I nodded and pulled out some sheets from my portfolio, disregarding a bunch of unfinished sketches. Tidus was very picky when it came to artwork. Usually when I had unfinished sketches it meant he didn't approve of them, ordering me to stop immediately. "It's all wrong. The shading is all wrong." He had once said to me, regarding a sketch I had done the first week I began to work for him. It was of Wakka, taking a break from work and sitting in the grass. Tidus had peered over my shoulder as I sketched, groaning in disgust at the sight.

What puzzled me was where he had gotten this distorted knowledge from. Tidus had attended the most elite of schools, not only majoring in art but a star of his blitzball team. A lot of the things he had discredited me for were the most basic of the principles of design, something he must have been taught at even an early age.

Either way, I had done as he was told and threw it in the trash.

"That's wrong."

His voice was over me like a falcon in the sky, snapping me from the past and into the present. Degrading, belittling.

I paused and removed my pencil from the paper. The rose was right in front of me, in plain sight. From the paper to reality, they looked almost identical. "You're right." I agreed – a lie. I leaned back from my sketch and let him see it better. He nodded, a soft "hmph" emitting from his pursed lips.

"It's the lines. They're too defined." He justified, moving his gaze away from my shoulder and to the rose bush before us.

"Should I start over?" I asked him, looking up to see his expression.

There was nothing there. He was almost like a sculpture, crafted with no emotion that belonged to any normal human. Just a block of rock, slowly chipping and eroding away.

"Yes."

Part of me always wanted to ignore his demands. It was the part of me that was intrigued by how bizarre he was that made me shrug him off and continue. I didn't know why, but this part of me was stronger than the other. Believe me; I didn't want to come to Tidus' home just to sketch random objects or things of nature. I wanted to spend my time painting other things, revolutionary things, if I could. But Tidus paid me more than seven thousand gil to come in and sketch something new. The money was what was keeping me here, as well as the mystery that shrouded him.

I allowed myself to be immersed in my sketch with nothing but the chirping of birds and rushing water from the fountain as my soundtrack. Occasionally every few minutes things would quiet down and Wakka's voice could be heard from the front. He sang whenever he did yard work, something Tidus was indifferent to. It bothered the hell out of me though, and I found myself screwing up more and more, hiding my mistakes with more lines and shading.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Tidus asked suddenly. He had startled me and caused my pencil to scratch violently against the paper. I looked at him, met with his back, and looked back to the paper again.

"Nothing." I finally answered, trying to smudge the line back into shape.

"Then you should come over tomorrow again. Finish sketching that rose and then maybe something else."

I was puzzled. "And what would that be?" I asked. Tidus never asked me to do anything but sketch. Useless loose leaf paper was what he lived for.

"I haven't decided yet." He shrugged, turning to me. "I know you signed up wanting to try your hand at paper mache, but I don't really have any appreciation for the fine arts."

I smirked, stretching my fingers. "Your flattery kills me." I retorted, turning back to my deformed rose.

"I'm sure it does." Tidus spoke, instead of hiding in his usual silence. I didn't look up to face him, but part of me was aware that a faint smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

This was the beginning of the end.


	2. Two

Chapter two already! I'm kind of surprised I managed to whip this up in no time, seeing as I have a bunch of projects to do. Anyways, here it is :) I didn't have time to go over it, so there might be some mistakes. Sorry about that!

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><p><em>Chapter Two<em>

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**xx**

The next morning Tidus seemed in a better mood. He wasn't as snappy as usual and didn't hover over my shoulder every few minutes. I didn't think too much about it; Tidus wasn't the type of person you could figure out easily.

"I've drawn fourteen different types of roses." I complained, brushing off the last one and placing it on the outdoor table nearby. I felt like I had been drawing roses all day and night and was sick of it. If I had to draw one more, I was positive that I would end up killing myself. "Maybe we should move on to a different type of flower?"

Tidus inhaled a deep breath of his cigar, imported from Kilika most likely, and turned to me. His brow was furrowed and his eyes glazed over. He blew out smoke from his mouth before he spoke. "What's the point in drawing any other flowers?" He asked, the air filled with the smell of his smoke. "They're all the same to me."

I shrugged and leaned back into my chair. "You're partial to roses."

He shot me a quick glare before his features relaxed. He tipped the ashes into a glass tray before drawing it back to his lips. "Like I said, they're all the same to me."

I didn't say anything else. There was a silence between us; Tidus inhaling on his cigar and me folding my hands in my lap. It was moments like these that I tried to avoid. Tidus' presence had a way of making anyone feel awkward, especially when he treated you like some kind of lower life form. I had often imagined myself as an ant that was merely walking by his feet, instead of a human being who was probably the closest thing he had to a friend.

I tried to stifle a yawn but failed. The moment I drew my breath Tidus' head snapped in my direction. It didn't matter that I had covered my mouth.

"Bored?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow. I shook my head no. Even though it was a lie, I figured it would keep me safe from his temper. The last thing I wanted was a lecture from Tidus and a year's work of drawing rose after rose as my punishment. "You look bored." He added, his eyes drilling through me. I kept my silence as he looked down at the scatter of sketches. "Alright then. Remember what I said yesterday?"

I shrugged. "You said a lot of things." I hoped that my answer would be enough and that he wouldn't probe me. Even though Tidus was strange, I didn't make it a habit to remembering everything he said.

He rolled his eyes and placed his cigar on the ashtray. "Paint me something." He ordered. Wakka's voice could be heard from behind us, beating a bush and swearing like a sailor.

I stared. "I didn't bring my paints. Or a canvas."

Tidus was quiet for a few moments, drawing his hand to his lips. It seemed like he was having some kind of internal debate, although I couldn't figure out about what.

"I could bring them tomorrow." I began to say, his reaction worrying me slightly. I had never seen Tidus so conflicted before. He was even more uncomfortable than when he was his cold, distant self. "It'd be no problem for-"

"Upstairs." He said in a voice that was above a whisper. At first I had a hard time understanding what he said and leant forward.

"Upstairs?" I asked, confused. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Other than the fact that he said upstairs, of course.

"The fourth door to your left." He seemed more confident now, but from the look in his eyes he was holding something back. "There should be some supplies in there. Go get them."

Tidus had never let me roam the upstairs of the Manor without supervision. Ever. I raised an eyebrow slightly but got up from my seat. If Tidus told you to do something, you did it – no matter how strange it seemed. I glanced at him nervously as I moved away from the table. Something wasn't right and part of me was worried about what might be in that room that even he wouldn't go in it. Yet something excited me; something that was almost like a safe haven from this Manor. Something that was different and could give me some insight.

As I passed him, well on my way to getting in that room and getting out, he grabbed my arm in a grip that was so tight it was like a child holding onto its mother for dear life.

"Don't touch anything else." He warned.

"Yeah, no problem." I said quickly and he let go. Without missing a beat he grabbed his cigar again and I stepped backwards and into the house, shutting the door behind me and catching the breath he scared out of me.

My mind was racing at what kind of importance this room could hold to him. At the same time, I was speed walking towards the main hallway and to the stairs. I took two steps at a time, eager to see what was behind door number four yet nervous for what could even be in that room.

The door was white, like the rest, with a silver handle that looked like it had more use than the others. Taking a small breath, I grabbed it and jerked it open. The door was stuck and required a little pushing.

It was dark. So dark, I could barely even see. It smelt like dust and flowers, although more so like dust since the place looked like it hadn't had a good seeing to in years. Scanning the room, I saw a window and walked towards it. Light shot through once I pulled back the curtains and I realized that I was in a bedroom. A feminine bedroom.

"_If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be_." A quote read just above the headboard to a bed. The sheets were cream and brown, the walls pink.

"Huh." I marvelled at the sight. Out of all the rooms in Forelone Manor, this was the only to lack elegance and grace, but individualism and humanity. There were picture frames on every solid piece of furniture, of a girl with short brown hair and bi-coloured eyes. She was smiling in all of them, shyly. "Cute girl." I thought aloud, dusting off one of the frames and getting a closer look at it.

She was sitting at the front fountain, drawn close to a goofy looking boy. I squinted, only to notice just who the young man was. Tidus. Smiling.

It was obvious just from the way he was seated how affectionate he was of this girl. Putting the picture back quickly, I wiped my hands on the sides of my pants. There were more pictures of them together, laughing, smiling, even fooling around.

It was such a contrast from the Tidus that I knew.

There was a family photo on the lower shelf of her bedside table. I picked it up, seeing the girl and Tidus again. This time, they were seated with a man and an Al Bhed girl. I recognized her immediately as the girl who sold me coffee every morning at a nearby coffee shop.

"Small world."

Placing the picture back on the bottom shelf, I ignored Tidus' desperate warning and continued to search the room. I was curious. I had never seen Tidus happy and this girl seemed to be his happiness. He had never spoken of her and she wasn't ever around.

There was a bookcase, filled with books and little decorations. Neatly stacked beside the books was a folder, stuffed to the brim with sheets of paper. I pulled it out and carefully opened it, surprised to find amateur sketches inside. There were millions and millions of the same rose, two of what I thought was Wakka, and one of Tidus, although Tidus' was never finished.

I didn't get it. I didn't understand how all of this was connected. Who was this girl? Where was she? Before I could even begin to look for any of the supplies, I was startled by a loud voice. Tidus' loud voice.

"What are you doing?" He asked, causing me to drop the folder and gape. "I told you not to touch anything."

He looked livid. His eyes darted around the room furiously, his face contorted and twisted with anger I have never seen before. He pushed passed me and gripped the curtains, forcing them shut. "Get out." He said, gravely. I tried to look at him but it was too dark.

"Tidus-"

"GET OUT." He screamed. I had never ran so fast in my life. Out the room and down the stairs, I couldn't think anymore. All I knew was that I had done something wrong, seriously wrong, and that this was me getting fired. As I escaped out the front door, I heard Wakka shout my name. I kept running, never looking back, unsure of what I had just caused.

**xx**

"I need to talk to you." I said in a low voice, my hands on the counter. I was freezing from the temperature outside and my head was still racing from this afternoon's incident.

"Excuse me?" the young Al Bhed girl asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head and swatted at the customer behind me, who was getting to close for my liking. "Please, on your break or after your shift. I need to talk to you about something." I pleaded, trying to maintain eye contact with her. "I just need your help."

She crossed her arms and looked me over. "You sound like you've just been released from the loony bin. Are you going to order something or not?"

I scoffed. "Lady, I've been here a million times. If I really was crazy, don't you think I would have shown it by now?" I asked in annoyance.

"I don't know. _You're_ the crazy one."

I cocked my head to the side and kissed my teeth, giving her a clue that I was more than annoyed. She smiled and kept her eyes on me, as if waiting for my reply.

"Can I make an order?" The impatient man asked. I felt like punching him, but instead I glared at him and he shut up, for the time being.

"You knew someone named Tidus?" I asked quickly, my attention back on her and her shifting expression. "Well I need your help with something."

"Oh, no." She declined quickly, shaking her head so the beads of her braids clattered against one another. "Oh no, no, no, no."

I smiled. "So you do know him! Look, meet me when you're done. I'll give you my number, if you want, then you can call me." I grabbed a napkin and a pen from nearby her cash register and started scrawling it down.

"What don't you get about no?" She hissed, jerking the pen and napkin back from me. "I don't want anything to do with him."

I looked up at her. "Please." I begged, trying to give her the saddest look I could conjure up to win her over. "I work for him. He's my boss."

She scoffed. "The janitor's your boss when it comes to him. Now hurry up and order something before I call the cops."

I shook my head. "I didn't do anything. You can't." I fought back.

"It's called harassment."

"It's called do something out of the kindness of your heart."

"It's called all I want is a cream cheese bagel." The man behind me snorted. I glared at him once again, this time for the last. I wasn't going to keep wasting my time.

"Look, I get it. The guy's a prick. But he's my boss and I really screwed something up. If I don't figure out what's going on, then I don't-" I began to say. She cut me off with a loud "SHUSH" and I shut my mouth immediately to let her speak.

"Fine." She agreed, her arms crossed again. "I'll help you out. But I'm not going there or getting involved. Whatever you do or say is your fault, not mine. So don't bring me into this." Something in her eyes told me not to question her, so I hastily nodded. She sighed and unfolded her arms. "I guess I'll call you after work and we can figure something out."

"Great!" I exclaimed, a huge smile brimming on my face. I can't say why I was so happy to hear her say that, maybe because she was finally going to help me figure out what I had been out of the loop of in almost nine months or maybe because the girl was kind of cute and I finally had a reason to talk to her. "I guess I'll be going."

"Finally!"

I ignored the man and turned to leave, excited for the first time in a long time before I quickly spun back on my heels. "By the way, my name is Gippal." I added, causing her to smile. "See you!"

"I'm Rikku!" She called out as I raced towards the door. "Oh, and Gippal?" I spun around like a dog would after hearing its name. "You forgot the last two digits of your number."


	3. Three

I'm back! I would like to say a BIG thanks to everyone who is reading this story! I'm glad it's peaked your interest :) I'd also like to say a big thanks to those that reviewed the second chapter. Your words and encouragement are what keep me going!

I'm slightly disappointed with this chapter, but I'm sort of glad with the way it turned out. I can't really explain it, but I hope you guys enjoy it regardless. Also, I'm sorry it took so long to update! I've had a lot of things thrown at me this week (schoolwise) and I didn't really have much time to work on this. Anyways, enjoy this chapter! :D

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><p><em>Chapter 3<em>

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**xx**

It had been three hours since I had met Rikku at the coffee shop. With a groan, I lifted my head off of the pillow on my couch and checked my phone again. Nothing. I sighed and took a drag of my cigarette before dropping my head back down. I knew it was stupid to trust a complete stranger like I did, but I felt like I had no other choice. There was something seriously wrong with Tidus… and I couldn't figure out what. Rikku was in those photos, which meant she was there. She must have known something about what made him this way. Even if it was miniscule, I believed it was still worth knowing. Anything that could help me understand him at this point could help me fix whatever I had done wrong.

I blew smoke into the air above me, waiting for the scent to hit my nostrils. When it did, it seemed to smell better than anything at that moment. Sure, it was toxic, but it was comforting at the same time. Like a fleece blanket would be to someone during the winter. Waiting for Rikku to call me seemed harder than I had originally thought. Of course, I had obviously thought that she would call me the minute she finished work. This whole thing seemed so important to me that I had completely forgotten that other people had lives to live. Unlike me, who was mopping around the apartment feeling sorry for himself and his ex-employer, Rikku had to serve fat, annoying and rude customers that had no respect for the people waiting in line in front of them.

It was then that I thought that at this point, maybe it was better to just give up. So what if Tidus freaked out? He was an asshole, it was in his nature. End of story. Except… I didn't believe that. There was something more to Tidus. I've been saying it all along, believing it all this time that it was impossible for me to think any different. I couldn't let this go. Breathing deeply, I flicked the ashes of my cigarette into the ashtray on the nearby coffee table. My eyes drooped and my fingers released their grip on the cigarette. I felt a wave of sleepiness wash over me and closed my eyes. The pillow beneath my head never felt softer, the idea of sleep never sounded better.

The events of today and the excitement of the night were catching up to me, in images that were slow and soft. I saw Tidus in my mind, then Rikku, and lastly the girl from the pictures. All their faces blended into one, outlined like a sketch and then coloured in like a painting.

And then it went dark.

**xx**

My eyes snapped open, blinded by darkness. Sitting up, I rubbed my head, which was sore. I let out a loud groan and looked around, only aware that I was seated on something that I couldn't even see. It was cold and I felt a shiver run down my spine. I rubbed my hands against my upper arms, generating a bit of warmth.

"Tidus!"

My head snapped to the left, squinting in the darkness to find the source. It had sounded so sharp yet foggy, as if it was right beside me while it was across the room. "Hello?" I called out. Although it wasn't me the voice was looking for, I couldn't help myself from calling out.

"Tidus, where are you?"

This time I was able to make it out the second time around. It was feminine and soft. It was so quiet that it was almost impossible to hear, yet clear as a bell at the same time. I was confused. Was this a dream? I got up from my seat, unaware where it now was and where I stood. The floors were black, the walls were black, the ceiling was black and the air around me was black. All I could see was myself, nothing else.

"Tidus, I'm talking to you!" She called out, slightly louder than before. I swallowed nervously and looked around. There was no one here, no one around me. Nothing I could see or touch that could help me figure out what was going on. "Tidus, please!"

This had to be a dream. I would pinch myself and I'd wake up.

Pulling my arm away from my side, I withdrew the sleeve of my shirt and was ready to pinch the skin on my wrist, just above my veins.

"Tidus, please! Don't leave me out here…" The voice was louder now, and what I was just focused on was interrupted, causing me to look up. "It's so cold…"

I paused and let my arm fall to my side. Maybe this dream could help me figure something out. It was farfetched, and I understand just how crazy I seem, but I was desperate at this point. I wanted answers and had nowhere to go. What harm could a dream do anyways?

"W-Where are you?" I called out, my voice cracked and foreign to my own ears. "I can't see you."

I felt like an idiot. Probably more so than how you feel of me, reading this. Here I was, in my own dream that revolved around a history that I didn't understand and that I was currently obsessed with, pretending to be Tidus just to see if I could figure something out. At this point I felt guilty and foolish, yet unwilling to give up.

"I can't see _you_." Her voice said. As she spoke I started to move forward, hoping that I'd come across something that was lit up and that I could see. "You're hiding from me." She sounded hurt and distressed.

"Why would I hide from you?" I asked, outstretching my arms and trying to grab onto something. All I got was stale air. "I can't see anything – it's too dark." I coaxed, continuing in as straight of a path as possible.

"I can't see anything either!" She exclaimed in a soft whine. "I don't know where to go or what to do." I could have sworn that I heard a faint sob afterwards and I felt my heart plummet to the ground. If I had one weakness, it was the sound of a woman's heart break.

"Alright, I got an idea." I said quickly, hearing a few more sobs. "Come towards the sound of my voice. Walk to wherever you hear me." Her sobbing stopped momentarily and I heard her take a deep breath. Silence filled the air and I let out a small cough. "Can you hear me?" I asked, fearing that she might have somehow disappeared.

"Yes." It sounded like a whisper to me, a whisper that barely managed to get out. "Keep talking."

I nodded, although I was unsure why since I knew she wouldn't be able to see me. "OK, uh…" I trailed off, unable to think of anything to say. _Think, Gippal, think_. "So, uh, how's it been?" I asked, although I immediately cursed myself mentally after I let it slip.

She giggled and it seemed closer than before. "It's been… alright." She replied, though I felt more like she was humouring me. "How about you?"

I stopped, unsure of what to say. If this person could possibly help me with the answers I was so desperately looking for, I should try and ask her something, shouldn't I? Except I was pretending to be Tidus – someone who I was most certainly not. If I was caught, would this person be mad?

"Just trying to figure some things out." I answered her. "How long have you been here?"

"Forever." She sighed. Her voice was even closer than before. I reached out again, hoping to maybe graze by her. "Ever since you left me. Why'd you leave me out here?" Her voice seemed to be more hostile than before, yet it was hard to tell with how delicate she came across.

"I never left you out…" I attempted to cover up. "I've been looking for you." The lies seemed to come out so easily, which scared me. How was it so easy to lie to her? Why was I even doing this? I wanted to find out about something, anything, yet was the way I going about it justified?

"Then why do you always shut me out?" She asked, tearfully. I was afraid for a moment that she had stopped walking. "Don't you recognize me? Tidus, it's me. I've come home, yet you won't let me in. You're making me stay out here in the cold."

"No, no." I shook my head. "I-I wouldn't-" I began to say, although couldn't continue. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what she was talking about and I didn't know why she was saying these things. She sounded so desperate, so hurt, that it tore my heart open.

"Tidus…" She called out, her tears evident through the shaking of her voice. "Why can't you ever answer me?"

I opened my mouth to speak, yet my ears were pierced of the sound of a loud ringing noise. It echoed throughout the space, hitting my ears harder than I could ever imagine.

**xx**

I was awoken from my dream with a jolt of electricity; my body sprang to life and my eyes snapped open. The light was suddenly too much for me, and I squinted, only noticing that my phone was ringing a few moments after. Rubbing my head which throbbed with a slight ache, I sat up and grabbed my phone off of the coffee table. "Hello?" I croaked after I had pressed the green button on the side.

"Gippal, it's Rikku." Said a girly voice. "You know, the girl you harassed at the coffee shop?"

I let out a chuckle, noticing that my cigarette was completely burned up in its ashtray and that the whole room smelt foully like smoke. "How could I forget?" I asked, teasingly, although it was for a brief moment. "Did you just finish work?"

"Yeah, I had to stay a little late. I called you as soon as I got out of there." She answered. Her voice was like candy, something that seemed sugary and sweet, yet capable of giving you a toothache if you'd had too much of it too soon. "You wouldn't happen to live in the B-District, would you?" She asked.

I was taken off guard momentarily, surprised at how fast she had figured that out. "Yeah… how'd you know?"

"The area code for you number. It's the area code for the B-District." She answered matter-of-factly. "Which apartment?"

"1A." I replied. "You should have known that, Rikku. I mean, after all the middle digits _did_ give it away." I teased matter-of-factly. I felt a surge of excitement rush through me as I pictured her smiling on the other end of the phone. Something about her made me feel giddy, although I wasn't quite sure what. I pushed the thought away to hear her let out a frustrated groan.

"Oh, be quiet!" She hushed. "You don't have to be such a smart ass, you know."

I rolled my eyes playfully and looked out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. "Alright, I'll leave that to you." I smirked, picturing her rolling her eyes as well to my comment. "I'm number 243."

"Alrighty. I'll see you in a few, meanie." She replied nonchalantly.

"See you."

Once I hung up the phone, I had no time to think of my dream. Springing off the couch, I opened the windows to let the smell of cigarette smoke out of the room. I rearranged the pillows on the couch and grabbed whatever gil I had left on the table and stashed it in a drawer – out of plain sight. Darting to the kitchen, I tossed dirty dishes in the sink. I prayed that she wouldn't find a reason to come in the room and see what a mess it was, or how lazy I appeared to be.

Just as I was about to check the other rooms, the buzzer rang and I heard her voice on the intercom. "Gippal…" She sing-songed. "Let me in!"

I slide on the polished wood floor and pressed the large beige button. "Come on in!" I replied, in a matching tune. I moved back to the living room and grabbed the ashtray, dumping the ashes into a nearby trashcan and trying to wave the smell out of the room. Just then, I heard a knock on the door and took a deep breath, unsatisfied with how messy my apartment seemed and went to answer the door.

"Took you long enough." Was her greeting, a large grin on her face as she moved in. "Nice place."

I shut the door behind her and watched her marvel at the sight. It wasn't amazing by any means, but I did have to admit that it wasn't like any of the previous dumps that I had been living in before. "Well you have Tidus to thank for that." I said from behind her, moving in closer.

"Right." She sighed before spinning back towards me. "So, how are we going to do this?"

My mouth gaped open a little at her boldness but I quickly shut it. "I, uh, hadn't really thought of that yet." I admitted and walked past her. "Do you want anything?" I asked, turning towards her as I faced the living room door. She furrowed an eyebrow in a thinking expression before shrugging.

"Just water." She said. I nodded and slipped into the kitchen and grabbed two glasses, filling both with water. "So you live alone?" I heard her ask from the living room. She dropped her bag on the floor and her coat, I assumed, emitting a soft thud.

"Yeah." I answered before grabbing the two glasses and following her in. "All by my lonesome." She cracked a smile as I handed her the drink and took a sip. I took a seat opposite from her and put my glass on one of the coasters on the coffee table. "So…" I trailed off, my eyes darting from hers to the floor. "How'd everything… start?"

She took a deep breath and fixated her eyes on the water in the glass before putting it on the table beside mine. I gave her a small smile of encouragement and she nodded.

"Well, I guess it all started at Forelone Manor, when I was about three…" She began. "When my uncle brought home Tidus. That's when it all started, but it didn't really begin until I was around thirteen."


	4. Four

Didn't expect to update so soon, but I managed to finish this chapter quick enough and felt like uploading it sooner than later! It's more of a filler, kind of boring, but I promise it will get better!

Also, the dream sequence with Gippal in the previous chapter WAS with Yuna. :)

Enjoy!

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><p><em>Chapter Four<em>

_/_

**xx **

When I was a child, my father would always bring me to Forelone Manor to spend time with my older cousin Yuna. Even as a child, she was easily one of most beautiful girls in Bevelle. Thanks to her lineage, she had one green eye and the other blue, both pale against her light skin. I remember always being envious towards her when I was younger, because I had never seen anyone with eyes like hers. The reason why my father always sent me there was because I never really got along with my brother. We used to always fight and my father was convinced that some time with Yuna and her family would help me act more like a lady, whatever that meant.

My father was the brother of Yuna's mother, and although he greatly resented her marriage to my uncle Braska, he couldn't exactly hold it against her. See, Yuna's mother was just as beautiful as she was. They were polar opposites, in a sense, yet both had that classic beauty that made you want to be them. Unfortunately, my aunt died while giving birth to Yuna. I remember my father telling me it had something to do with her blood cells, and that her body didn't have enough of them.

I remember being in the Manor and sleeping in the guest room and wondering how my aunt didn't have enough red blood cells in her body. Where did they all go? Sometimes I would be afraid that her ghost would come into the room and take _my _red blood cells.

It was on one of the nights that I was staying over that Braska was away on business. Yuna never really explained to me what he did and why he would always go away, but I figured it had to do with the influence he held over the people of Spira. He was loved by many, and respected by many, for whatever he had done and it was fine by me to leave it at that. Anyways, he had gone out to Zanarkand and left Yuna and I to the care of her maid, Lulu. As warm as Lulu could be, she had a very dark appearance with her black hair and porcelain skin. She also used to wear a lot of funky make-up, something that Yuna and I would frequently giggle about and mimic in front of her mirror.

It was that night that both me and Yuna tried to stay up late and catch the first flakes of snow on our tongues. I was only three at the time, but from what I remember it was an experience that had the two of us laughing and excited the whole night. It had only lasted for half an hour until Lulu forced us inside and made us take our baths, scolding hot since she was afraid we would catch pneumonia. I remember her scrubbing our skin so hard that Yuna was as bright as a tomato and I was as dark as a cherry. We hated when Lulu gave us our baths, mostly because of how diligently she scrubbed us, but also because there was never any warm water. Only hot or cold.

When it was time for bed, Lulu reminded us that Braska would be on his way home and that if it was alright with him, we could play outside for a while. I was so excited that the whole night I could barely sleep. I remember lying in bed and thinking about how we could make a snowman and give him a carrot stick for a nose, and all those things that people gave their snowmen in Spheres. And then I thought about how we could give him all the red blood cells he would ever need so that way he wouldn't die on us like Yuna's mom did.

All these thoughts eventually helped me fall asleep. I remember dreaming of Yuna, the snowman, and me, having a ton of adventures and tricking Wakka, one of Braska's other servants, into letting us in the garden that Braska forbade anyone to go into. It was my aunt's favourite place in the whole manor and she would often go and sketch the roses that surrounded the gazebo. Uncle Braska had it closed off. The only person allowed to go in was Wakka – only to care for the plants that thrived there.

During the night, a loud noise had woken me from the dream and caused the blood to rush to my head. I had been frightened by the idea of my aunt's ghost until I heard what sounded like voices from downstairs. I sat upright in my bed and listened, too scared to move in case it actually was my aunt's ghost.

"I don't mean to come across as harsh, but sir, you shouldn't have brought him here." I heard Lulu say. "His parents might be looking for him as we speak!"

I barely realized that my face had contorted with confusion from hearing Lulu talk. Who brought who here?

"I had to Lulu. He was alone, in the cold." It was Braska that was talking! I could recognize his voice anywhere. "It would be ill on my conscience if I left him behind." Uncle Braska always spoke in big words, so I never quite understood him. "Besides, I have more than enough to make sure he gets what any other child deserves. If it were Yuna that were left out there, by Yevon knows…. I'd hope someone would find it in their hearts to make sure she was safe."

I guess if there is one thing we have in common, it is our curiosity. At that moment I was no longer able to stay in my bed, three years old or not. I got out of my bed and quickly opened the door, only to stop in the doorway as I saw Yuna across from me. She had her face in-between the bars and was leaning forward to get a look at what was going on. "Yuna!" I gasped and she quickly looked at me and clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Rikku! Ssh!" She hissed, quietly. I didn't know why but I nodded and kept silent, following her back to the bars. I saw Braska and Lulu, huddled in the front. Uncle Braska was holding a bundle of cloth, which squirmed every now and then.

"Here, come on down." Braska grunted, lowering it to the ground. "Stretch your legs a little. It's been a long journey."

The cloth transformed from a little ball to a tall figure. When it turned, we were met with a tanned boy with blonde hair and bright azure eyes. I heard Yuna let out a small breath and saw her lean forward more.

"His name is Tidus. Took a lot of coaxing to get it out of him." Braska commented, although Yuna and I were too focused on the boy who was now looking around with big eyes and a gaped open mouth. "He's about Yuna's age."

We watched him before Yuna turned to me and poked my shoulder. "I'm going to marry him." She whispered, and I felt my mouth drop open in shock.

"He could have cooties!" I whispered back.

"He could." Yuna shrugged and turned back to watch him. "But his cooties don't seem too bad."

That was where it all started, when Tidus first came to Forelone Manor. Like I said, it wasn't the actually beginning, but it was a start.

**xx**

Tidus had quickly made himself comfortable in Forelone Manor and everyone else had quickly grown accustomed to him. He was slowly becoming Braska's pride and joy, accompanying him wherever he went and receiving a majority of Braska's gifts. I could tell that Yuna was beginning to get a bit jealous, unhappy that Tidus had come and claimed her father for his own. I thought that the comment she had made previously about marrying him no longer applied, but she still seemed to be attached to Tidus. Lulu made sure that whenever Braska was out, the three of us were well looked after, although that often didn't stop Yuna from making sure Tidus had the least amount of affection from her maid.

It was childish, but we _were_ children, and what turned into a battle of affection soon broke out into a war. There were times that Yuna would burst out crying to Lulu, saying that Tidus had ruined her doll by throwing it in the fountain. There were also times that Tidus ran screaming to Braska and told him that Yuna had pulled his hair out. It was this common trait that made me start seeing the similarities of the two, how deceitful they could be as well as bratty. I guess now, it was because of the affection they had never grown up with that made them fight for whatever they had.

Tidus had grown up without any parents. Once he had earned Braska's affections, he would never let go. Yuna, on the other hand, had never had a mother's love. If Lulu had ever favoured Tidus over Yuna, it was possible that Yuna would really feel as if everything had been taken from her, even if she had lost some attention from her father already. It was this strange coincidence that would eventually help them bond, and further leave me out of the loop/

It had gotten to the point where both Lulu and Uncle Braska were worn out from the war, which caused them to revoke all privileges from the two and treat them as equal as possible. Tidus spent days crying in his room, and Yuna had spent days throwing tantrums when Lulu refused to hold her or give in to her charms. I spent most of my time comforting Yuna, staying in her room with her until she had calmed down and forgotten the whole incident.

On one occasion, she had wiped her eyes and grabbed my arm, leading me out of her room and to Tidus' without saying a word. When she opened the door, he was sitting on the rug and had his head in his knees. He didn't look up when we entered, so Yuna pushed me forward. No matter what she had said about Tidus, she was still very shy around him.

"I'm Rikku." I said, leaning forward and sticking my nose near his hair. He smelt like shampoo and soap and when he lifted his head he seemed genuinely surprised. "That's Yuna there. Remember? You stole her daddy."

His bottom lip quivered and he started to sob, most likely because of what I said. Yuna whacked me and I recoiled in pain. I wanted to cry too, but Tidus was taking up all the attention and no one would hear me over him.

"Stop crying." Yuna said, placing her hands on his knees and sitting in front of him. "Rikku's too young to understand."

This seemed to calm him down, and his sobs turned into quick breaths as he watched Yuna with a small amount of curiosity.

"If you want you can come make a snowman with us." Yuna said quietly. "We're going to give him lots of blood cells so he doesn't die."

Tidus watched her, silent for a few moments. "Blood cells?" He finally asked after a few moments of silence. Yuna nodded and smiled, which made him wipe his eyes and smile after. "Does he have a mommy and a daddy?" Yuna stared at him for a few moments before taking her hands off of his knees and smiling.

"Us." She finally answered him. Tidus seemed content with the answer and the two of them got up, leaving me to tag along.

As the days went on, they began to get closer. Eventually, they shared the affection of both Braska and Lulu and were attached at the hip at all times apart from when they were to be bathed or had to go to bed. Back then, it meant the world to me when Yuna and Tidus secluded me. I would only visit for a short while, expecting to have fun with Yuna and excited for my adventures with her, only to be left out and have to watch her and Tidus have _their_ adventures.

It wasn't until my own mother died that I began to live at Forelone Manor full time. My father was too busy working in Bikanel Desert and my brother was old enough to help him out, while I was too young. When I began staying there every day, I had grown accustomed to their relationship and knew it better than anyone else living in the manor.

I guess you could say I was the eyes and the ears of that house, and of what would become of my cousin and the boy from Zanarkand.


	5. Five

Finally, an update! I've been meaning to update this fic sooner, but I haven't had the time to do so! I've been really stressed with school work, so you can guess what I've been spending my time doing. Like always, I'd like to thank those who are still reading this and who are sending in positive feedback! It means a lot to me and keeps me writing. Anywho, enjoy this chapter!

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><p><em>Chapter Five<em>

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**xx**

I stared at Rikku for a long time, my eyes never leaving hers. "Yuna was her. The girl in the pictures." Rikku nodded as a response and I felt myself exhale deeply and lean back into the couch. "He never told me about her."

Rikku looked up from the floor. "He wouldn't." She said quietly, shaking her head. "He has too much pride. Besides, he's different now."

I didn't doubt that. Tidus was no longer a five year old child living under someone else's rule. He also seemed to have grown up a lot since then. "I guess you're right." I lamely agreed, crossing my arms against my chest. "Last time I checked he didn't seem too willing to work with others either."

Rikku smiled – a small smile that suggested further memories. "When it came to Yuna, Tidus would drop everything to be with her. But they were toxic together. There were times when they'd give Lulu and Uncle Braska such a hard time they had to be locked in separate rooms." Rikku shook her head, her beads clinking together. The sound was quiet, reflecting just how Rikku had been speaking this whole time. Instead of raising her voice or emphasizing on certain points, Rikku had been telling her story quietly.

As if she almost didn't believe she was telling it herself.

**xx**

Five years after Tidus' arrival at Forelone Manor, Uncle Braska had grown very ill. I can remember Lulu trying to explain to us what was wrong with my uncle, but we couldn't quite grasp it. For the past few years, I was surrounded by death. It almost seemed normal for me to have a loved one die every other year. Maybe it was because I was so young that I didn't understand. I always thought that they were gone, but that they would come back. That they were just sleeping. To this day I still can't figure out how to understand it. Death isn't meant to be understood, it's there and it happens and that's all we can really say about it.

It was around this time that Uncle Braska had Wakka come in more often to help Lulu take care of us. Wakka was only involved with tending to the plants and landscape, but with Braska ill, he became active in maintaining the manor. I remember one time, I watched him clean the rugs in the front foyer while perched behind one of the pillars. It was strange seeing Wakka inside the house doing things that Braska had other men do. Everything happening was strange – living at Forelone Manor full-time, Tidus being there, Braska being ill. All of it still leaves an eerie impression on me.

As much as I loved my uncle, no one was in worse shape than Yuna. Every time she would try to see her father, Lulu would push her away. Uncle Braska spent most of his time in bed, sleeping I assume or maybe even reading. Lulu wouldn't let us near him and even had Wakka make sure that we didn't bother the dying master. We never even knew what his last few moments were, cooped up in that big room all by himself.

Because of Wakka's new position in the house, we were all required to pray at night and practice in the teachings of Yevon. Uncle Braska, although religious, had not forced it on us. Instead he had wished for us to grow up and mature before deciding what we believed in. Lulu herself never cared for it much either, but with Wakka now becoming one of our main caregivers, it had become a daily part of our lives.

Yuna was inconsolable during this time and heavily immersed herself in Yevon. There were days where she'd simply sit in the backyard and watch Wakka tend to the garden, listening to his preaching.

Tidus on the other hand immersed himself in Yuna. The loss of Braska had hurt him deeply as well, mostly due to the fact that he had never had anyone in his life care for him as much as my uncle did. Tidus was the son that Braska never had. It was during this time that Tidus grew even more attached to Yuna. Whereas they used to be attached to the hip at all times, now they seemed to be attached emotionally too. It made me feel even more left out than ever, but it couldn't be helped. They had natural chemistry that ignited every time they were around each other.

One day, while Yuna sat outside in the backyard on the stone patio listening to Wakka I watched her from the window. Wakka was trimming the hedges, his eyes fixated on his pruning shears, with a face filled with so much light and excitement it could rival the shining sun. Yuna was smiling softly, her face in her hands and her eyes watching Wakka's lit up face. Tidus was seated diagonally from her, his legs outstretched. He was propped up on his elbows, his back digging into one of the steps on the patio while his head almost touching the top step. He yawned, his ocean blue eyes still on Yuna, watching her every move, and I frowned.

"Rikku, what are you doing inside?" Lulu had snuck up behind me, her hands grabbing onto my shoulders. "It's a beautiful day out."

I looked up at her face, a small smile etched onto it. "I don't feel like it." I fibbed, brushing a few strands of hair away from my face. "Besides, I don't get what Wakka talks about anyways."

Lulu released her grip on me and took a step back. "Sometimes it's OK if you don't understand what other people say." She said softly. "Most people are just happy to know you're listening."

I turned away from her and glanced out the window again. Wakka had dropped his shears to the ground and was now acting out one of his many stories. Yuna's mouth was dropped open in shock, which she had quickly covered with her hand while Tidus was laughing. I could hear their voices through the glass of the window.

"OK." I said reluctantly, looking back at Lulu and forcing a smile on my own. It made her happy and she patted my head before leaving me to find my way out on the patio.

**xx**

"Yuna, want to play house?"

Her bicoloured eyes met mine almost instantly. We were in her room, the one place that seemed to reflect her entirely. She was sitting on her bed, a book folded out in front of her.

"We could go in the backyard." I continued, tilting my head to the side in order to get a better look at her.

"Sure. Let me just mark my page." She smiled and I smiled back, excited that I'd finally have something to do other then play with imaginary friends. She slipped a coral pink bookmark with chicken scratch writing on it, a gift most likely made by Tidus, and swung her legs over the bed.

Tidus had gone out with Wakka earlier that morning to go practice blitzball, a sport that Wakka was a big fan of and had passed onto Tidus. It was the only time where I was guaranteed to hang out with Yuna without having Tidus whisk her away and leave me behind.

I grabbed her hand and she smiled, following in tow behind me. "You'll be the older sister who's leaving for college!" I explained while we went down the stairs. "And I'll be the younger sister who discovers treasure in the backyard!"

"OK!" Yuna agreed, giggling behind me. I never really thought of how ridiculous some of my game ideas were, but I was always happy that Yuna agreed to play with me. Whenever we would act out these scenarios, she was always so serious that it made me believe that she really _was_ my older sister, instead of just my older cousin trying to pass the time before her friends came back.

Even when Tidus was around, Yuna was still herself. Always smiling and intimate with whomever she was speaking to. Although I always felt left out by the two of them, I knew that it was not Yuna's intention to make me feel like this. She had her own life, and it took me a long time to figure that out. "Rikku… Do you ever think that you're somehow connected to someone?"

I looked up from the pile of leaves I was pretended to be soup and stared at her for a moment. "What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

She placed a hand on her forehead and closed her eyes for a few moments, thinking about how to rephrase the question so I'd understand better. I arched an eyebrow and stuck out my hip, impatient with how patient she was being with me.

"Can you ever imagine… being connected to someone? Someone that you don't know… But you will. Someone who from the beginning of time was destined to be yours." She was staring at me with such intensity that I couldn't help but stare at her blankly. I didn't understand what she was trying to say.

"Like soul mates?" I asked. "Maybe."

She cast her eyes downward, in deep thought. I wanted to ask her what exactly she was getting at, but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. Was she thinking about Tidus? Was that why she was asking me this?

Regardless of whether they were meant to be, they were together. What did it matter?

There was a loud clatter of footsteps from inside, followed by Tidus and Wakka cheering. Yuna looked up, a light in her eyes that was not there previously.

"Don't mention this to Tidus, OK?" She asked. I nodded, assuring her that my lips were sealed and that I would never tell him. Even though Tidus and I rarely talked, I wanted to make sure that she knew that I could still keep her secrets.

She smiled in thanks and rushed passed me and through the back door. "Yuna! You won't believe it!" I heard Tidus call out to her.

"What? What happened?" She asked, excitedly. I could picture the two of them smiling at each other and I turned to the door, peering in just a bit.

"There was a coach on the beach who saw me play! He says when I turn eighteen he'll draft me!"

I tuned the rest out, walking into the house and sneaking up the stairs.

I couldn't help but feel alone every time they were together.


	6. Six

It's been so long! I've tried to work on this chapter for so long, but because of school and work it's impossible to do anything! I'm having a hard enough time trying to balance my social life as well ! X_X

I'd like to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this story! It means a lot to me! :)

Also, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Happy Holidays if I don't update before then!

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><p><em>Chapter Six<em>

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**xx**

Time passed slowly at Forelone Manor. Two years had passed and Yuna and Tidus were as close as ever, sharing secrets in the backyard or laughing over an inside joke one of them had made. I was beginning to no longer feel jealousy every time they were together, finally accepting that the two of them were like magnets. Although I had come to terms with this, it didn't help me get over that lonely feeling that I had ever since I began living at Forelone Manor.

Lulu always took notice to the fact that I spent most of my time alone. She was disappointed, but she couldn't lecture me. I spent a majority of my time studying, trying to be something more than just an Al Bhed.

"You study hard." Lulu commented one day as I flipped through a book on the history of Spira. "Why don't you take a break?"

I shrugged, pretending to be too engrossed in my book.

Lulu sighed and crossed her arms. "Do I have to force you to?" She asked. I didn't understand what had made me like Lulu so much before, since all she did was try and force me to hang out with Yuna and Tidus.

"I just want to do well on a test we have tomorrow." I lied, hoping that that was enough to get her to leave me alone.

Lulu took a seat beside me near the windowsill and put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure?" The way she asked me made me feel guilty.

"Yeah." I swallowed, forcing myself to look away so I wouldn't see the worried look she had in her eyes. "Don't worry. Once we get on break, I'll have time to hang out with my friends and stuff." I assured her, although she knew that I didn't have any other friends.

Tidus was popular and so was Yuna, but I wasn't. I was so used to feeling left out that whenever I met someone; I always got the feeling that I wasn't anything important to them.

"Well, try not to study _too_ hard." Lulu said, before she got up and left the room. I sighed out loud and shut the book. It was enough that I was feeling bad for myself, but now Lulu was too? I rested my chin on my knees and stared out the window, seeing Tidus and Yuna sitting on the grass and gazing at the stars. Part of me wished I was there with them, while the other part wished they'd just disappear.

I got up off of my seat and frowned, taking the book with me and going upstairs. It was late and I had nothing better to do than go to bed early.

Once I got into my room, I threw the book on a nearby chair and collapsed onto my bed, massaging my temples and closing my eyes.

"Do you think it exists?" I heard Yuna's voice. My eyes snapped open and I looked around the room, confused, before I realized that I had left my window open from this morning.

"Heaven?" Tidus' voice asked. I quickly shut the lamp off on my bedside table and sat up, hoping to catch some of their conversation.

"Yeah. Do you think it's real?"

There was a small pause, and I felt myself holding my breath. I couldn't really believe that I was listening in to their conversation. I wasn't that kind of person, or at least, I didn't think I was.

"It's possible." Tidus finally answered. "We'll never know, Yuna, until we die. It's one of those things that we just can't figure out."

"I like to think it is." Yuna said quickly. "I like to think that my dad is up there. My dad and my mom and that they're waiting for me. I like to think that it's a place where there's no war, no disease, no hurt. To me, it's a place where we can all be surrounded by the ones we love. The ones who we care about."

I smiled to myself. Yuna was still Yuna, sweet and blinded by the general goodness of life. Her thoughts made me think of heaven myself, and what it would be like if it really was real. I wondered if my mom would be there, waiting for me and my family. If when we all got there, we'd really be able to exist without feeling alone or hurt.

"I wonder if my dad is up there." It was Tidus' voice that brought me out of my daze. "Or if he just abandoned me like everyone says."

"He wouldn't abandon you." Yuna said. "You'll never know what happened, Tidus, but if you expect the worst from people, they'll end up showing you their worst."

I sat in silence, drawing my knees up to my chest and listening for a few more moments. How Tidus hated the way people talked about him, like he was some kind of dirty orphan. How they said his mother was Al Bhed and was a prostitute. How she left him on the streets because she didn't want him.

Yuna kept comforting him, telling him if he was Al Bhed his eyes would be like hers, and even if he was there was nothing wrong with it. How his mother wasn't a prostitute, how eventually he'd find out just exactly what had happened and it would prove everyone wrong.

I fell asleep listening to their ideas of heaven, and wished that it was a place we could all call home.

**xx**

Sometimes I'd catch Lulu and Wakka together at night when they thought we were asleep.

At first it was accidental. I hadn't meant on discovering that Lulu and Wakka harboured some kind of love for one another, but I had.

I'd see them cuddling, Wakka's head in her lap. Or I'd catch him sneaking into her room.

This discovery made me almost feel sick in some kind of strange way. Everyone had someone to run to, and I had no one.

I remember one night being unable to sleep and hearing them talk. Talk about Tidus and his blitzball. Talk about kids like Tidus. Talk about starting a life together.

It made me sick, knowing that Lulu and Wakka desperately wanted to be rid of us and have their own children. I snuck out of my room and into the backyard, feeling tears well up in my own eyes.

They already _had_ a life together. Why did they want to start a new one?

I collapsed on the stone steps and let it out. I cried everything that I had been feeling – hurt, sadness, emptiness, loneliness. I kept rubbing at my nose, which was runny, and scratching my eyes, which were most likely red and puffy.

"You alright?"

I jumped and immediately looked to my left, towards the sound. I recognized the tanned skin and blonde hair as soon as I saw it and I felt embarrassed. "What are you…?" I trailed off, but he cut me off.

"Couldn't sleep." Tidus shrugged. He walked over towards the steps and I wiped my eyes again, suddenly aware of how much of an idiot he probably thought I was right about now. "You OK?"

I couldn't help but wonder where Tidus' sudden interest in my well-being was coming from. I knew I wasn't one to judge. I barely knew Tidus, yet I couldn't help but imagine him to be some sort of horrible person that came along to tear people apart.

"I'm fine." I answered smoothly, inching away from where he was standing.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments. Tidus stood there, watching me and playing with a piece of grass he had picked a few moments before, and I sat there, wishing he would disappear so I could have a few moments to myself.

"Can you-"

"I should-"

We spoke at the same time and I felt even more frustrated. Why was he even here? To shove the fact that he was better than me in my face even more?

"Sorry, you go first." He apologized, tossing the piece of grass on the floor and sitting on one of the steps.

I didn't say anything. I buried my face into my arms and stared at the large plot of grass ahead of us. He didn't say anything either, just looked at me for a few moments before getting up himself.

He paced around for a bit, walking back and forth and examining whatever was relatively close. He had too much energy at this time of night and I couldn't help but feel a bitter emotion swirl in my stomach at just how perfect he must seem.

"If you're upset, I've got just the thing to cheer you up." He suddenly spoke. I looked up and saw him dart to one of the rose bushes. "It takes my mind off of a lot of things. Maybe it'll work for you too!"

Part of me hoped that he was right but I had a feeling that whatever Tidus tried to show me wouldn't exactly sit well. I had been harbouring so much anger towards him, that I couldn't even imagine that anything he suggested would make me feel any better.

"Ta-da!" He fished out a blitzball, smothered in dirt, and tossed it towards me. I was barely able to grab it without it getting dirt all over me.

"Want me to show you a few moves?" Tidus asked, a grin on his face. "If you're good, maybe I'll put you on my team instead of Yuna!"

He was joking. I knew this, yet I couldn't help but snap.

"Are you serious?" I asked, tossing the ball on the damp grass and away from me. "What makes you even think I'd play a stupid sport like Blitzball?"

His expression fell and although I knew it was a horrible thing to say, I couldn't stop myself.

"You may be friends with Yuna, but you're not my mine." I spat. "And you never will be."

I got up off the steps and stormed inside. The last thing I remember seeing was Wakka and Lulu getting off the couch in a hurry, wondering what exactly had made me so angry.


End file.
